You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
