how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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