He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
