She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
