At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
