Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
