my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
