You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
