Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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