This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
