My Higher Power is John Stamos
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
