Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
