doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
