Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm jealous of your bromance
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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