he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
