If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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