im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
