So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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