I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So much rum. So many feels.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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