I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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