so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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