Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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