I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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