My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
