If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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