Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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