Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
false alarm, still single
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
