i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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