So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
