I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
