as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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