The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
