You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
