Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
they're like a gay fantastic four
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
