I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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