I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
