you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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