I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
