I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
