how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
