Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
