i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
