Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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