i think my tv is drunk
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
