im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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