his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
