i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
