i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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