You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
