My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
