That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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