weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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