Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
