I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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