I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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