Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
