What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
