Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
