If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
