So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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